Psychic Advisor

[Psychic Advisor]

Ah...

Don't tell me! You've come to have your fortune told, yes? I know,

I know... I can see the future! So what kind of fortune do you want?

Life...?

Wow, that's a really broad category. But let me contact some spirits of the spirit world and I'll see what I can do.

Hmmm...

Alright, I got something. Ummmm, you will live to be very, very old. How old you ask?

*cough!*ty-nine years old. Isn't that good news? That's a ripe old age, and you have plenty of blissful years left to enjoy.

Also, you'll always be successful. You'll successfully win in life and you'll successfully lose in life!

You might not understand that little nugget of wisdom now, but as you learn more about this crazy, crazy world, it will make more sense.

Hmm...

What can I tell you about life? Let me contact the spirit world real quick~

Alright, I got it!

Your dreams

will come true!

Of course, I'm not sure exactly which dreams will come true, but hopefully the good dreams that you've had will become reality, rather than any of your weird nightmares.

Which dreams exactly? Well, the spirits are awfully reticent today. They're not exactly in the mood to talk. Spirits have lives too, you know. Wait, did that make any sense?

I sense that you may be about to make a rash decision that you might regret. I must advise you to slow down and think first.

Although the pressure may be high, remember that any decision made in excitement is usually a bad decision. Take a deep breath and relax.

Even if you're running out of time, it's better to slowly plan things out so that you don't waste any of your efforts, or make costly mistakes.

Remember that calm,

collected patience

is the key to overcoming crisis.

Hmmm... I sense that you are experiencing a loss of direction in life. Should you prioritize security or happiness?

I suggest that you think fully and carefully before deciding what path is best for you. And remember, you can only learn from your mistakes.

If you plan carefully and perform positive, constructive actions with a good attitude, you can

have it all!

I sense that you've had a quarrel with someone close to you. Someone for whom you care for dearly.

You must take the initiative! Try and resolve this matter without getting too caught up in your emotions.

Try to make amends, swallow your pride and apologize sincerely if you have to. Isn't friendship worth it? I think so.

Well, I hope I settled any doubts you've had about the future. That is, after all, my job as a professional psychic consultant. Come back anytime~

You want to know your Love fortune? Oh ho~ Then there must be somebody that you like! Come on, you can tell me!

Oh right...

Um, I sense a strong love energy emanating from your soul. It's quite intimidating and pushes away the weak and the spineless.

So basically, I foresee that you'll only be attracting really strong people soon. You know, like professional athletes, bodybuilders, construction workers, that sort of thing.

So if this is what you want, congratulations! Fortune smiles upon you with joy this day.

But if this is the opposite of what you want, well, I'm sorry. Fortune smiles upon you with sarcasm this day. But it's not too late to change destiny!

Looooove, eh?

Let me contact

the spirits for a second.

Ah! An old flame will return! I don't know if they'll fall in love with you again, ask you for money, or if that person's back for revenge...

But an old flame will definitely resurface in your life. Somehow. So if that's good news, congratulations! But, if that's bad news, then be careful!

Um...

The girl that you

The boy that you

are currently seeing

is perfect for you!

Well...

We psychics are pretty accurate at this kind of thing. And it's so good to see that you're really happy with your partner!

You didn't let me finish my sentence. What I meant to say was...

are currently seeing is perfect for you if you want to live the rest of your life in utter misery!

But even if you break up, do it as soon as possible and try to be good friends after the matter.

It'll make better people out of both of you. But that's just what I think.

Oh...

Um, I'm sorry.

Sometimes, I get the future and the present mixed up. You know, since I'm always looking into the future...?

What I meant to say was

you and the perfect woman will soon fall in love. Yes, that's what I meant!

you will soon be swept off your feet by the perfect guy. Yes, that's what I meant!

Looking for romance, eh? Life can always use a little more excitement.

That's strange, I foresee a Love Triangle in your future. No, wait! A Love...

Decagon?

What's the shape with eleven sides? Now, you can't expect me to know that off the top of my head. I'm a psychic, not a mathematician!

Love is always fun! Even in this bleak world, love surrounds us in its inviting glow. Treasure that person who is special to you, and come back for another reading!

Money? Well, you must be more fortunate in money than I am. After all, I sit here all day and give this service for free!

Um, the spirits tell me that you might not win the lottery, no matter how many tickets you buy. I'm sorry, but it's true.

But I just saved you a lifetime's worth of lottery tickets! That could be quite a hefty sum of money!

Ah yes. Let me contact the spirit world. They usually have sound financial advice, despite the fact that don't have any sort of economy over there.

First off, be accountable for your own money and use a budget that works for you. A good rule of thumb? For every ten zeny you earn, put one zeny aside and either save it or invest it for later.

And whatever you do, don't work as a psychic advisor in Rune-Midgarts. The real cash, apparently, is in discovering new countries. Why didn't I do that?!

So you want to know about money, eh? Let me commune with the spirits of the supernatural realm...

Ah yes. They are telling me that it's best to be moderate in all things. Certainly, you must make sure that your expenditures don't exceed your budget.

However, you should also avoid gambling with your money. By that, I mean you should save and invest carefully. Don't be tempted into risky get-rich-quick schemes!

On the other hand, get-rich-not-as-quick schemes are okay, so long as you know what you are doing. I'm right, aren't I?

Well, you need money to live, but having money alone isn't living. Don't forget that there are other important things. And try not to stress out, okay?

Your grades? You're still in school? I'm impressed! Your eyes tell me you are rather mature for your age. Alright, let me contact the spirits...

Hm? All the spirits said was 'Did you study?' Well, I guess I answered your question with yet another question!

You're asking me about your grades? That's weird. I mean, they only ask about your report card at school, right?

An education is really important, but don't be discouraged if your grades aren't as good as you'd like.

Perhaps your style of learning isn't really supported by your school, or maybe you're not that interested in academics. Understandable.

The spirits tell me that you should experiment with different learning styles, so that you can make sure that you get the grades that you want.

Yeah...

The spirits are

awfully lazy today.

F MINUS!

Hahahahahahaha~!

Oh, I'm sorry, I just love doing that. Okay, let me ask the spirits for real this time. Hmmmm...

Hmm. The spirits are being awfully rude today. They're saying, 'If you're so worried about your grades, why don't you ask your teacher?'

Now that I think about it, they do have a point. Why don't you ask your teacher, professor or whatever to see if you have any problems?

I mean, they're being paid to help you. And well, my service is free. So... Yeah.

Oh cool!

I sense that you will soon be receiving straight A's...

In Effort!

Now, I couldn't tell you what your real grades are. You might be destined to get an A in every class or subject, but if I told you that...

You'd probably get cocky, slack off on studying, fail your classes and cause a time paradox. I mean, I have to actually be in the future to actually see it, you know?

Instead of worrying about time paradoxes, why don't you make your own destiny?

Well, in any case, concentrating on your studies is tough, but it can be rewarding. I hope you do well in whatever you choose to do~

The future? I thought it was implied that any fortune I tell you is about the future in the specific field that you choose.

I guess you want to know about the future in general. Let me commune with the spirits, and we'll see what they have to say, okay?

In the future, Sex, Violence, and Rock and Roll are completely abolished. Mankind experiences an era of complete peace and utter boredom.

I don't know how far in the future that will occur, but it better not happen soon!

In the future, Earth is protected by a single giant robot: Plutonium Overdrive Ignition Negatron G a.k.a POING.

POING fights off many Kylorian invasions for years, until it is finally defeated by Dr. Hubris' Mechanical Overlord: Nyxltron 47.

Luckily, Doctor Pyeus finishes the Gravitron Oblivion Drive for the Plutonium Overdrive Ignition Negatron G system just in time.

And so, POING rises again, reborn as the Automatic Hero: GOD-POING. Of course, Nyxltron 47 is destroyed.

That's probably the most important thing you'll ever learn about the future. Trust me, the rest of it's boring.

In the future, believe it or not, the internet will be replaced by a giant brain. I don't know how, but trust me, this brain's huge.

Thanks to the number of internet web journals, this brain becomes peaceful, and decides not to take over the world as it originally planned.

Yes...

This weird brain thing definitely becomes a source for good, a loving benefactor to the human race, so long as people keep writing personal entries on the internet.

In the future, they genetically engineer all sorts of plants.

So many kinds! It's crazy I tell you!

Eventually, they create trees that grow celebrity impersonators. Today, it looks like a miracle of science, and a threat to Hollywood starlets.

However, the people who buy these trees are the same kind who wear those really tacky shirts...

You know, the kind with a lame sense of humor where it will have the word 'Cat-o-strophic' and there's this little kitten dressed like a mad scientist or something.

That's my prediction. Can you really argue with the wisdom of the spirit world?

Fashion...?

What does that have to do with matters of the supernatural? Well, um, let me contact the spirits. Ah! Here we go...

...

......

I'm seeing something...

It looks like, a...

A...

A... Fish?

On someone's head?

It was the most horrible vision!

It feels nice to wear expensive headgears! And it's nice to wear fancy clothing too! But remember...

No matter how much zeny you may put into your wardrobe, you'll look silly unless you match the things you wear.

Now, here's a good example of a mismatched outfit. Imagine some Crusader wearing a Crown, Elven ears and an Iron Cain.

Instead of looking cool, they look sort of like an Evil Keebler Prince. Spooky, huh?

I predict...

That Cowboy Hats will be very popular among female

Super Novices

very soon!

Come on, wouldn't you agree? Cowboy Hats look great on Super Novices!

Sometimes, it's a cute idea to follow a theme. Like, if you wear both Angel Wing and Angel Wing Ears at the same time.

Of course, that might be too expensive for most people, but you get the idea.

I now predict that the Sombrero will be come very popular when a mass group of Bards form a guild in which the members only wear Sombreros.

Or was it the Feathered Bonnet that's supposed to skyrocket in popularity? Both of those hats are just sooo stylish, especially on Bards...

We psychic consultants aren't really trained for fashion matters, but I hope I was at least a little bit of help to you.